If you have found yourself wondering whether something happening in your relationship might be domestic violence, you may also be wondering what you are supposed to do next.
Please know:
You do not need to have everything figured out before asking for help.
You do not need to be certain that what you are experiencing “counts” as abuse.
You do not have to make a major decision about your relationship today.
A first step can simply be recognizing what is happening, thinking about your safety, and learning what support is available to you.
How Do I Know If What I Am Experiencing Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence does not always involve physical harm. Abuse can also include emotional or psychological abuse, sexual violence, stalking, intimidation, financial control, isolation, or other behaviors intended to gain power and control over a partner.
You may want to pay attention if your partner:
- Monitors your phone, location, social media, or communications
- Tries to control who you see or where you go
- Controls your access to money or prevents you from working
- Frequently insults, humiliates, threatens, or intimidates you
- Pressures or forces you into sexual activity
- Threatens you, your children, other loved ones, or your pets
- Makes you feel as though you have to constantly change your behavior to avoid upsetting them
Abuse can develop gradually, which can make it difficult to recognize while you are living through it. If you want to explore these behaviors more closely, Bridges’ guide to the common signs of domestic violence provides additional examples.
But you do not have to identify every warning sign before taking your concerns seriously.
What Should I Do If I Think I Am Experiencing Domestic Violence?
There is no single next step that is right for everyone. Your circumstances, safety concerns, children, finances, housing, pets, and support system may all affect what makes sense for you.
Here are several places you can begin.
1. Start With Your Immediate Safety
If you believe you are in immediate danger or facing a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
If there is no immediate emergency, consider what would help you stay safer where you are right now. That may include identifying somewhere you could go, keeping important phone numbers accessible, or deciding who you could contact if a situation escalates.
Technology can also be a safety consideration. Phones, computers, location-sharing services, and online accounts can sometimes be monitored. If you believe someone may be monitoring your devices, consider using a safer device or speaking with an advocate before changing settings or passwords in a way that could alert your partner.
2. Tell Someone You Trust If It Feels Safe
Abuse often becomes more isolating over time. Telling one trusted person what is happening can give you another source of support and a connection outside the relationship.
That person might be a friend, family member, coworker, counselor, faith leader, or another person you trust to respect your privacy and listen without pressuring you.
You do not have to explain everything at once. Even saying, “Something in my relationship does not feel safe, and I may need someone I can call,” can be a meaningful first step.
3. Talk With a Domestic Violence Advocate
You do not have to wait until you have decided to leave a relationship to contact an advocate.
A domestic violence advocate can listen to what you are experiencing, help you think through your options, connect you with resources, and help you develop a plan based on your circumstances.
If you are nervous about making that first contact, you can also learn more about what a domestic violence advocate can do for you before reaching out.
Asking questions does not commit you to any particular decision.
4. Create a Safety Plan
A safety plan is a personalized plan for reducing risk and preparing for situations that might become unsafe.
Depending on your circumstances, your plan might include:
- Where you could go in an emergency
- Who you could contact for help
- How children or pets would stay safe
- Important medications, identification, keys, or documents you may need
- Access to money or transportation
- A code word you can use with someone you trust
- Technology or privacy concerns that need to be considered
A safety plan can be useful whether you are preparing to leave, considering your options, or remaining in the relationship for now.
Bridges has additional information about putting together a domestic abuse safety plan, and an advocate can help you develop one around your specific situation.
5. Document What Is Happening, But Only If You Can Do So Safely
Keeping a record of abusive or threatening behavior may be useful later, particularly if you decide to pursue legal protection or need to explain a pattern of behavior to an advocate or another professional.
Documentation might include dates and descriptions of incidents, photographs of injuries or property damage, threatening messages, emails, voicemails, or screenshots.
However, documentation should never come before your safety. If keeping records could be discovered by your partner or increase your risk, talk with an advocate about safer options before doing so.
6. Seek Medical or Legal Support When You Need It
If you have been injured or sexually assaulted, consider seeking medical care.
You can also speak with an advocate about legal options, protective orders, law enforcement, court proceedings, or other resources available in your community. You do not have to navigate those systems by yourself.
The right next step will depend on what has happened and what you want to do.
Do I Have to Leave Right Away?
Recognizing abuse does not mean that you must immediately make a major decision about your relationship.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated, and in some circumstances it can create additional safety concerns. Housing, finances, children, immigration concerns, pets, work, transportation, and fear of retaliation can all affect someone’s options.
That is why safety planning and individualized support are so important.
Your next step might be making a phone call. It might be telling someone what is happening. It might be learning about available services. It might simply be acknowledging to yourself that something does not feel right.
You are allowed to gather information and move at a pace that considers your safety.
How Can Bridges Domestic Violence Center Help?
If you are in Williamson County or the surrounding Middle Tennessee area, you do not have to work through these questions alone.
Bridges Domestic Violence Center provides free domestic violence services designed to help victims and survivors find greater safety and independence. Support includes emergency shelter, advocacy, support groups, court-related assistance, safety planning, referrals to other community resources, and support for families and pets.
You can call Bridges’ 24-hour crisis hotline at 615-599-5777 to talk with someone about what you are experiencing and what options may be available to you.
You can also contact Bridges online if that is a safe way for you to communicate.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
For confidential national support, you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788.
You do not need to know exactly what comes next before you reach out. Sometimes the next step is simply having a safe person help you think through your options.